Cabin fever aboard the SS Geriatric

How does the song go? "Shoulda known better..."?

That is I think going to be the anthem for the next 10 days as I live this little cruising adventure.
The first sign was really the cab driver that took me to the port in Amsterdam. He asked me "are you not a little young to be going on a cruise? I assumed my passenger was an old person." He redeemed himself by showing me where Anuk's house was in Amsterdam when he heard I had gone to Eurovision.

The second sign was check in. I haven't heard some many whiny, complaining people in my life. They gotta get 2000 of us on the ship at once people - there is gonna be a line! Heaven forbid you try to cut in the line - those people were like a three legged deer in a David Attenborough doco. Toast.
The third sign was the way they all lined up in the casino waiting for the ship to depart and the pokies to be switched on!

The best way I can explain the ship is that it reminds me of Vegas. Not the classy Bellagio/Palazzo type Vegas I love, but the Harrah's/Flamingo/Imperial Palace Vegas of old (maybe that is the dated pokies and buffet talking...).

Thankfully the ship is full of bars - and I have a drinks package. Speaking of drinks - did you know tea flavoured vodka was a thing? I didn't, but it is tasty...

So - ship life? It is not so bad, but sea days suck. They are claustrophobic. For us, day 1 was a sea day. They have "activities" on sea days. Given I did not want to make a macramé bracelet, or do a Zumba class, my options were limited. In 10 degrees and pouring rain I wasn't keen on the pool either (plus the large number of overweight, elderly men with no shirts on in the hot tub was...off putting...).

I made the mistake of walking up near the spa where they insist on giving you a tour. Take note - "tour" means trying to sell you teeth whitening and a weight loss scheme that appears to involve dressing you as a mummy and zapping you with starter cables like a flat battery (but you'll lose 8 inches!). I instead found a window seat, a pot of tea and a book and settled in for the afternoon (comfiest chairs on the boat in the cafe).

I think my biggest problem is the people on the ship. There are two nationalities on this ship whose accents I can hear over everyone else. I am torn some moments between throwing them overboard, or myself. They are horribly ignorant too. There are staff on the ship from all over the world, all with their home country on their name tag. The two women in the nail salon are from Jamaica. The looks on their faces yesterday was priceless when the American woman getting her nails done at the same time as me asked (slowly, of course, despite their perfect English) "how did you learn to do this - do you even have personal care services like nail salons and hairdressers in your country?". I looked at the lovely lady doing my nails and said "this job must require a lot of patience." To which she replied "sure does, and biting your tongue".

Today we got to get off the boat in Rostock Germany. So glad I am not with the nutters who caught a 6 hour round train trip to Berlin. It is pouring rain and only 10 degrees. I was happy with my Rostock sightseeing and return to the warm, dry, cafe on deck 5.

We did however go to something I would refer to as Strawberry World! Such awesomeness.



It even has its own mascot.

They gave us strawberry cake for lunch.

There was strawberry wine and juice to try as well.

And they have one of the biggest collections of teapots in the world. Everywhere you looked - strawberries and teapots...

They also had some interesting lollies - though not sure about herring lollies...

We also got to see a very awesome astronomical clock (that still works!) in the only church in town to survive WWII.

They also took us for a walk past the "fountain of joy". Though we were assured the locals actually call it the "porno fountain" by the guide...

I actually thought the old socialist storyboards were more fitting of the title...(bottom left hand corner!).

The town of Rostock also has a new medical clinic. It's name translates to "heavens door". I don't think I would have much confidence in a doctor who names his practice that. In case you are wondering - this is what the door to heaven looks like:

Well, the ship is starting to fill up again as everyone returns, cold and wet, from their field trips. Time for me to go stake out a quiet comfy spot on the ship to see me through to dinner.

Posted with Blogsy

Copenhagen Crazy

First country of this trip is down already! Denmark, done and dusted.

Rather than stay in Malmo (where Eurovision was being hosted this year) we decided to go 14kms down the train tracks and instead stay in Copenhagen. That was an awesome decision. The hotel we picked was in a superstar location. From my window I could see the central train station. Made for an easy trip home when you got off the train tired and with aching feet from standing for the past 5 hours!

The buildings in Copenhagen are beautiful. My fav being the town hall - though I suspect that has more to do with watching Danish crime tv shows and seeing it featured in those!

For the most part, the weather was stunning. It was warm and sunny and perfect for wandering around aimlessly. On Saturday in particular I did just that. I went to check out the marble church - which was one of the lovelier churches I have been in over the years.

I turned around and found the royal palaces behind me. Point of note for fellow Australia's - Danish people want to know one thing "do you know Princess Mary?". Australia is a big country folks, and whilst we are proud to have donated one of our own to be the future Queen of Denmark, we are not all BFFs! Mary does however have a royal guard.

I kept wandering along the canal. After all I was on a mission. I wanted to go see the famous little mermaid statue. On my way there I started to notice there were a LOT of people around. I put that down to it being Saturday, there being glorious weather, and carnivale... Then I walk up a hill and see THIS

No, that is not one cruise ship, nor is it two - it was FIVE cruise ships all in a row. All parked near the statue I wanted to see. %#*£¥.

Maybe it is not so bad, I tell myself. Maybe they are all on field trips in town. Nope - they all at the statue!

Took forever to get a shot of the statue with so many people around. But I got it in the end.

We spent an awesome evening at Tivoli gardens. This was someplace I really wanted to go. I learned last year at DisneyWorld that Tivoli was Walt Disney's inspiration. Inspiration might be a bit much. Dude pretty much ripped the place off! It was pretty magical at night. Lots of fairy lights.

Alexa and I skipped the rides (Jo and Tim braved the Demon coaster) but there were pommes frites (hot chips) and Belgium waffles for dinner. Is that an awesome Friday night or what?

One of the main reasons I am looking forward to going back next year (after for the first time in as long as I can remember the song I loved the most actually won!) is for the food. Is the anything better than a Danish open sandwich?

Speaking of food and drink - they had Eurovision water at the arena - water with, wait for it, elderflower and rhubarb!

Weather turned to rubbish on Sunday - just in time for the Copenhagen marathon. We braved the cold and rain to go and cheer a few runners at the 17km mark (okay, we were searching for coffee - but we did clap, and listen to the band).

So after yet another awesome Eurovision, it was time to leave Copenhagen. Whilst this was made easier by knowing I would be back there next year - it did mean leaving Jo and Alexa as they headed for Paris, whilst I headed to Amsterdam. Seeing Gerald and Sofia again was also awesome (and my head didn't hurt for a few hours because I had Swedish speaking company!). The amusing part of the trip (the cruise!) starts today :)

Posted with Blogsy

I ate ants

My birthday was pretty ordinary this year - spent most of it looking at the inside of an aircraft - but I got a do over. At the second best restaurant in the world. It was number 1 til about 2 weeks ago when it got knocked down a peg thanks to that little food poisoning issue...

Anyway - this is about my meal at Noma. 

Just to set the scene - this is a 4 hour meal. No menu. You are served whatever the chefs have foraged locally. The only item that they disclosed as "purchased" were the coffee beans at the end of the meal. Oh, and it was 20 courses. Yup, 20.

We started with an aperitif - a Nordic coconut to be exact. Once you drank the (warm) cocktail you got to eat the straw.

Next up we had malt flatbread and juniper. Only we couldn't see the food - until the waiter pointed out it was in the floral arrangement on the table...

Next up - deep fried moss. This stuff was so crispy and light...

Anyone for some elm leaves dragged through roasted yeast? Tastes like Vegemite...

Next up was a cheese cookie. This thing was about the size of a 50cent piece in reality

Perhaps you would like some berries in pickled rose petals? Bit bitter for me, but the others all loved it.

What about some dried carrot in ash with sorrel?

This is where I became a chicken - LIVE RAW shrimp. The other three were all braver than little old me...well, Tim was kinda brave...

The pickled and smoked quail egg was more my speed

Next up was some sorrel and nasturtium. This is what green tastes like...

To finish the entrees - leek with cod roe (this was awesome).

Every meal needs bread right? So how about fresh, hot sourdough, home made butter and some pork fat?

Now for the mains, would you like some fresh milk curd with wild blueberries?

How about some dried scallops and beech nuts with bio dynamic grains and watercress?

How about onions with fermented pears and ANTS!!!!!!!

Not into ants? Maybe dried beets and plums are more your style?

How about potatoes and bleak fish roe (caviar)

Or maybe some pike perch and cabbages with verbena and dill? What's a trip to a fine dining restaurant without foam?

Next up was a slow roasted beef rib with blueberry glaze and freeze dried ligon berries.

Time for dessert - dansk ice cream!

Dessert number two included mashed potato - it was good - I promise!

Time to retire to the bar for coffee and bar snacks (because we are not full enough already...). Would you like some chocolate covered pork fat? (This was AWESOME!).

Maybe beetroot candy?

All in all an awesome meal and well worth the price. You feel a little like they are challenging you, but there is nothing wrong with that.

Posted with Blogsy

Hello Australia, this is Europe calling...

Yup, it is very, nearly, almost that time of year again. Holiday time. And to stop the green eyed monsters who block me on FB because they are trapped at their desks - this page is making a comeback! Once again you can follow my misguided antics, and this time around you get an added comedic bonus. Me - trapped on a cruise ship! (I do these things for your amusement...).

In about three weeks time I'll be checking out the new Qantas/Emirates alliance and jetting off to Europe to escape the evil Canberra winter (Game of Thrones were wrong - winter isn't coming, she is already here). The stops along the way this time include:

• Copenhagen/Malmo - once again I'll be enjoying the best (and worst) of europop at the Eurovision Song Contest. Throw in lunch at the world's number 1 restaurant and some pretty awesome travel buddies and it should be a great birthday week.
• The best the Baltic has to offer - I'll be checking the sites of Stockholm, Tallin, Helsinki and St Petersburg to name but a few of the stops on my cruise. 
• Amsterdam - my planning has only made it as far as canal boats...need to work on that!
• London - because one must see Viva Forever: the Spice Girls Musical at least once on the West End
• Gascony, France - where I get to spend a week cooking, eating and drinking with the fabulous Miss Cleo

 Let the countdown begin!